My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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