my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
