Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
