And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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