i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
