We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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