I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
