return my video game
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize