We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
