Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We need to get me chipped asap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
