Pappa wants mamma naked
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
