Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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