from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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