Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
