Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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