I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
