How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
