I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
