Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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