I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
