I'm gonna have a badass scar
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
