i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
