think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
