My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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