I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
