My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize