We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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