I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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