were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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