So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
