I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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