Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
not ubering you a puppy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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