Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
