Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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