So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
