She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
