How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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