Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's great music for shaving your balls
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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