btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
