Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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