The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
