Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
