I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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