last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize