Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
