Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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