and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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