im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We smell like vodka and hangover
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