If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
