Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
