Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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