I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
