dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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