the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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