Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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