Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was confusing and full of hummus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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