I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize