if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
