the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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