i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
