Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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