i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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