I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
