There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is the high leading the old right now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
