If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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