Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
