You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
