she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
These tits shall not be calmed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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