we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
