Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
